Tantrum! This topic is well known by many parents from all over the world. Every parent deal with this kind of behavior of their toddlers, sooner or later.
Weird but effective ways to help twins get through a tantrum and crying
This month twins started kindergarten. I mentally prepared them a few months before that, so as not to be something new to deal with. They’re almost 4 and this stage is quite challenging, both for me and for them.
I notice some big changes even since twins have reached 3 years. Is the age when they get through significant emotions and discover new things and situations. So, my “job” is to help them deal with these emotions and to express feelings they live.
Things that you didn’t know about tantrums and crying!
Now let me say something about this tantrum. Something that I’ve been through, and what I’ve learned from all this.
Having failed to deal with these moments of crises of my twins, I tried to find mild solutions with long-term effects without harming anyone. My strong desire to establish a natural order in our home, and to inform me about what a tantrum means, led me to find information on this topic on Hand In Hand Parenting website. I did not expect to find here what I was looking for. This was exactly what I needed and I started immediately to apply all of the technics explained so well. What really surprised me more was that it really worked. I’ve seen tremendous results in their behavior.
How many times do you find yourself useless when your child has a tantrum? It may be frustrating and confusing when you can’t reach his mind to help him. The child cannot explain in words what is hurting him.
Children need to know what each emotion mean
Toddlers cannot identify their emotions yet because they’re newbies in coping with big and stressful feelings.
First, I explain my twins the meaning of each emotion, either happiness or anger.
Every child must know there is nothing wrong or shameful to cry or to be nervous. Every person gets through this emotion. Unlike adults, which can control themselves and can endure many emotions (in their own personal way), children must learn first how each emotion manifests itself.
I’m sure you have seen many episodes of a tantrum, and many ways to treat or alleviate these episodes by parents.
Well, this is the part where I want to make a point. A tantrum is a way to communicate that something is happening. Children are actually saying something to us, and their best way of doing that is having a tantrum or a noisy cry.
What does exactly this tantrum mean?
At first, you must recognize the tantrum. It can be a trembling movement of the limbs, screams, a big noisy cry or a sudden sweating. And all this can start one at a time or at once, without realizing what is going on.
At this moment the better thing that you can do is keep still. You could be tempted to yell and begin with explanations. Sorry to say, but this is the worst thing you could do.
Stop from everything, and listen.
Once the tantrum starts, the child cannot hear you anymore.
Actually, the child cannot hear anything. He can’t think anymore and his brain just blocks.
So, take a deep breath and begin to listen to your child. Just listen!
Let him release the tension. Let him manifest in his own way. You stay close to him and listen. Don’t use too many words.
At least you could say something like: “ït’s ok, I’m right here with you”, “I understand you and I know it’s hard” or just ” I love you very much”.
After you saying all of these, your child may go deeper in his tantrum.
It may take a while, maybe minutes, or perhaps hours until the child will calm down. But the most important, tension will be consumed, frustrations will come out and the child will be able to think again. Until the next episode when the child meets new difficulties in managing his emotions.
Be patient and do not rush things
None of all these technics do any harm to the child. It’s just his way of communicating that everything that happens in his life can be too much. Give him time and confidence that things will be fine again. Don’t panic and be patient.
The last thing your baby needs is you to lose control and feel he has no one to rely upon.
Twins and tantrum
But what about a tantrum episode of your twins? This is challenging! Well, my twins have their ways to express their frustrations. One thing is good. It does not happen at the same time to both of them. But still, if one of them is having a tantrum or cry hard, it takes a short time before the other begins because between them is a real deep connection.
If something unusual happens in an ordinary day (kids love routine), and it happens for me to be busy, my twins push the limits and get over any of it. Literally, things go crazy. They both start crying, unexpectedly I get overwhelmed by all the emotions that rage in me, and mentally I crash. And here we are all three, angry. It is clear that I must focus and get my senses back. What about that? Now that’s a big deal!
So, how do I manage the situation to not lose myself and most, make them feel safe? Because all of these situations of crying and tantrums must be understand and see the deep of the problem. I connect myself with the twins, get in their skin and listen to each of him. Just stay next to them, make eye contact and listen.
Connect with your child
Although, in time, with patient and calm, I learned to cope with this situation. It’s not easy but is the best-known technics that works. I learned to listen to them and don’t try to stop them from the cry.
How many of you are tired of “stop crying, it’s shameful” or “you’re a big boy now, you’re not allowed to cry”?
You have no idea how stressful it can be when someone or something puts limits on children in expressing frustrations. All of this words have a big harmful impact on children emotional development.
Children get intimidated, they repress their emotions, lock themselves in, and towards adulthood, the likelihood of adapting to different situations or persons is very low.
Be persistent and trust your ability
So do not forget to be persistent and trust your abilities. Start to see things from a child’s perspective, and go along together through all the challenges. Be your child’s best friend!
Everything I’m told here is from my pure experience. I do not have any professional training, but I just noticed the behavior of my twins. Considering this, these techniques are beneficial for their harmonious development and my inner peace.
If you have any suggestion or have experimented with some other technics, do not hesitate to write it down in the comment. Or else, if you’re struggling with something similar and feel there’s no way out, just contact me here for any advice.