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Pregnancy in my vision

One thing is clear: pregnancy for me was like brainwashing.

So calm, like the silence before the storm. Unusual, considering my outbursts of anger. It was a time with no fears or doubts.

I remember with fun and humor the last months before the children were born.

I was making a thousand of thoughts, plans, all the details were set up. It was a well-established plan, and nothing would have interfered in changing it. 

I admit I’m way too organized in all aspects, in my opinion, a big flaw because I fall into the other extreme, I get myself into too many tasks.

I try to do everything right, and I often screw up, but … this is me. Everything to be as good as possible arranged and set up simply.

Although my family, friends, doctors, and relatives told me that it would be hard and very hard, I did not take into account. I did not want to accept that it would be different from my own vision.

Everything was clearly settled in my mind.

I was zen throughout my pregnancy, listening to classical music, relaxing, talking to them, they used to kick my belly with all their hands and feets, especially at night when I was standing still and did not swing them through my moves.

It was magnificent! My nights and days were full! (exactly as it is now :)) Fun for them, hard for me, but yet, it was the most amazing, stunning and overwhelming time in my life.

I knew I could breastfeed them simultaneously, knew that colics was a myth and basically reflected the mother’s mental state. As soon as the babies came home, I would have time for all the domestic chores and personal activities, and even if something came up, I would have cope.

I was in a full serenity.

But, with some exceptions….things didn’t turn out as planned….

I did not expect the pains of c-section to be unbearable. I was in a state of depression with tears in which I felt I have no escape, I was floating, as I had nothing under my feet. 

I looked at my children and I felt helpless, crying with sobs deprived of any physical and mental rest moment. It was exhausting. I was fully out of normal condition.

But everything passes over time. All I had to do was to be calm and responsive to their needs. With patience and gentleness, the rest resolves itself.

Now, after 2.5 years, I’ve learned to take things as they are, not to make plans anymore and make quick decisions according to the children’s wishes. I have learned to no longer have expectations and to take advantage of any free time. No more targets, No more plans, just the present we own. 

Keep it real!
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16 Responses
  • daniadams111
    Monday, July 31st, 2017

    Im with you Momma, I find that as a mother, our children teach us how to be patient and not stress over the small stuff. I’m glad to hear your pregnancy was bliss despite the hard times thereafter. I know that pain and it is a touch road to travel.

    • Teodora
      Monday, July 31st, 2017

      Thank you so much! Great words to here! 🙂

  • Onlygirl4boyz
    Monday, July 31st, 2017

    Love this post! I loved pregnancy even though it was challenging and these kids are the biggest blessing ever!

    • Teodora
      Monday, July 31st, 2017

      Thank you Jehava 🙂

  • itsahero
    Monday, July 31st, 2017

    Pregnancy is hard. We feel like we *should* know what to expect, but it’s not always like that. and then you get pregnant again and think “Oh I know what to expect.” and things go drastically different. So so so strange.

  • Teodora
    Monday, July 31st, 2017

    That’s right Rachel! It’s the reason you should never say “never”. Thanks for your comment 🙂

  • Ayana Christine Nell
    Monday, July 31st, 2017

    There are so many things I’ve expected to go one way that have gone the opposite! I completely understand where you’re going with this and I agree! <3 Just roll with it!

    • Teodora
      Monday, July 31st, 2017

      I’m glad we’re sharing the same feelings! Thank you 🙂

  • Megan @ The Many Little Joys
    Monday, July 31st, 2017

    I too had a great pregnancy with my first, but I found myself COMPLETELY unprepared for the recovery. It was so so much harder than I expected. But that time did pass, and I have come to love motherhood (most days). Patience with myself and my children has been key.

    • Teodora
      Monday, July 31st, 2017

      Truth is we are never prepared for anything! We just have to take things as they are! Thanks for comment Megan 🙂

  • Jennifer L. Corter (@jenngem)
    Tuesday, August 1st, 2017

    I remember being pregnant, thinking about how serene and beautiful motherhood was going to be, but I was smacked with PPD. I know how that felt. But our kids do teach us to live in the moment now.

    • Teodora
      Tuesday, August 1st, 2017

      That’s right Jennifer! They help us to pass over. Thank you!

  • Kelly
    Tuesday, August 1st, 2017

    The things the little ones teach us. Great read.

    • Teodora
      Tuesday, August 1st, 2017

      Thanks Kelly! It means a lot 🙂

  • Sara M. @ The Sanity Plan
    Saturday, August 5th, 2017

    I’m one of those people that doesn’t really enjoy pregnancy that much (you’d be surprised given I’m pregnant for the 4th time now), but I always find that most people expect that all women really enjoy it. I enjoy certain aspects of it, but I much more look forward to when they are here, not the act of being pregnant.

    • Teodora
      Sunday, August 6th, 2017

      Each mother perceives pregnancy differently, we all are unique and that’s perfectly fine. Thank you for sharing your point of view!

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